Why does every female Halloween costume have to be “sexy?”

I went to Party City the other day to look for a Halloween costume. I decided that I wanted to get a Thor costume because…

A) Thor is a badass.

and

B) ‘Female Thor’ would be a very, topical costume considering the Marvel comic announcement this year.

But, when I got to the store this is what I saw:

Seriously. Why does every female costume have to be “sexy.” (For the record, Party City called her “sassy.”)

Here are 6 reasons I have a problem with the female Thor costume:

1) I don’t want my boobs hanging out. Also, 9 times out of 10, someone at a Halloween party will spill beer or an alcoholic beverage on you, and I’d rather it get my costume a little wet, then have it run down my chest and ruin my bra.

2) That short little cape is ridiculous. How can female Thor even fly with that thing?! I want a long, floor length cape.

3) The skirt is short and has slits in in. I do not want drunken douche-bags seeing my tessera-ss.

4) If I’m going to be walking around and standing at a Halloween party, I will not be doing it in uncomfortable 6-inch, thigh-high, furry boots.

5) The costume is incredibly skimpy and I will being wearing in in LATE-OCTOBER. I’ll freeze!

6) The costume is 60.00!! And that’s not including the hammer! I’m sorry, but I’m not paying that much for a barely there outfit.

When I’ve complained about this to others I’ve gotten one of two responses:

1) Just buy a smaller size of the male version.

2) Just make your own.

Well, to answer #1, I am a very small person. So, the smallest male size is still 4 sizes too big.

And to answer #2, I’ve done that before for Halloween. Most of the time, I create unique outfits and piece together clothes I own with accessories and bits that I’ve bought new. 

But, Thor is different. The costume is very distinct and the character is from a distant realm. I’m not a seamstress (although I hope to someday rectify that by learning), so making my own is out. And I can’t piece together everyday things and look like Thor. I don’t have metal armor and a giant red cape and a hammer just lying around the house. Also, coming up with a costume takes a lot of time, one thing which I am usually in short supply of.

Yes, I could probably put something together quickly that looks OK, but I don’t want to do that. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I take Halloween seriously, so it’s all-or-nothing for me.

I’ve always been really into Halloween and the entire fall season. In my opinion, “IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!” I love carving pumpkins. Eating fall foods and baking yummy treats. Raking and playing in the leaves. Watching scary movies and Halloween/Thanksgiving cartoon specials, like Charlie Brown or Garfield. Trick-or-treating and, now that I’m in my 20s, passing out candy. The whole nine yards.

And part of that fun, for me, is being detail-oriented and realistically accurate with my Halloween costumes. 

For example, two years ago I was Hermione Granger:

And last year I was Katniss Everdeen:

Note: I am not dressed as “sexy” Hermione or “sexy” Katniss. I’m showing no cleavage. I’m wearing pants as Katniss and, as Hermione, I’m wearing my old (knee-length) Catholic school skirt with leggings underneath. I was very warm and comfortable in both.

I think I stayed true to the characters with my costumes and looked like I was about to kick some butt with my wand and bow-and-arrow.

I received dozens of compliments and people wanting to take pictures, all without going the “sexy” route.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to tell other women how to dress. (That would be very unbecoming and anti-feminist of me.)

I’m only talking about my personal preferences.

If you wanna go as “sexy ______,” more power to ya. I have lots of girl friends who like to dress like that. To each her own.

But, I don’t want to dress like that. And I know a lot of other women would agree.

I think there needs to be a change in the costumes that Halloween stores sell. 

Go ahead, costume creators, sell your Male Thor costumes and your “Sassy” Female Thor costumes.

But, can you also make regular, female-sized costumes that include things like pants or longer skirts, muscle padding, and necklines higher than a person’s nipples.

I want a costume that looks cool and accurate to the character.

I want something that is comfortable and keeps me warm.

I want to run AMUCK AMUCK AMUCK without a tiny skirt flipping up or my boobs falling out.

Is that really so much to ask?