Tony Awards...My LIVE Commentary

This year’s Tony Awards is brought to you by drag queens, and freakishly talented, mature-beyond-their-years children…

NPH Opening Number!!!

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“It’s Broadway’s biggest night and we’re raring to go…let’s make it bigger.”

“Legendary”…teeheehee

You know who really looked like they “learned this dance a half hour ago”? Mike Tyson. Seriously, who gave that man a stage and a one-man show?

Oh, you know including magic in the opening number was all Neil’s doing. When Oprah came to his and David Burtka’s home to film an interview, he showed her his secret/hidden, magic room. A whole room in his house is devoted to magic tricks!

“On Broadway we don’t need extreme closeups to prove we’re singing live.” Throwing shade at the Les Mis movie, you sassy bastard, you!

“At the end of the day we are gathered together to honor the best and the brightest

And tomorrow the fashion police will report on your dress and who wore it the tightest”

By the way, all the dresses I saw were absolutely gorgeous! The epitome of old-school Broadway/Hollywood sparkle and glamour!  And let’s not forget the men! Convinced every man tonight purchased bowties from Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s Tie the Knot charity for marriage equality…What stylish and classy looking gentlemen…

“There’s a kid in the middle of nowhere living for Tony performances singing and flippin’ along with the Pippins and Wickeds…Matildas and Mormonses so it might reassure that kid or something to spur that kid cuz I promise you all of us up here tonight? We were that kid.”

…Literally me…All the time…Since grade school…And I’m 21 and in college now.

Me Before The Opening Number: “How much bigger and better can it really get? I mean how do you top “Not Just For Gays Anymore” and “If Life Were More Like Theatre?”

Me After The Opening Number: “Bringing out a portion of every major musical company to dance and sing onstage at the end?!…Oh, Bravo! You have out done yourself, Neil. The award for all-time, best Tony Awards host!!!”

I love the new idea of having the past year’s winning ensembles come out in character and costume to present this year’s musical performances!! Somebody give the person whose idea that was a raise!

I love the Newsies’ New York accents!

Matilda performance…I just…I can’t even…I’m in awe! These little kids are just so talented every time I see them!

Aaaaannnndd now “We Are Revolting Children” is gonna be stuck in my head…for days.

Play-sicals!!!

“The Elephant Man of La Mancha.”

“Children of a Lesser Godspell”

“Cats on a Hot Tin Roof”

“The Testament of Mary Poppins”

“A Midsummer’s Night Dreamgirls”

“The Diary of Anne Frankenstein the Musical”

“Vanya and Sonya and Masha and Spiderman Turn it On.”

Personally, I’m rather fond of “42nd Street Car Named Desire.”

Now I can’t stop thinking of play/musical, mash-up, puns!

Award for least ghetto musical ever: Bring It On…But, at least the choreography and acrobatics are pretty cool.

RODGER’S AND HAMMERSTEIN CINDERELLA!!

So glad Cinderella won for costuming!!

Seriously, Cinderella and Fairy Godmother’s two second costume change-overs…ALL THE AWARDS!!

How Do I Even Begin To Describe Laura Osnes.

Laura Osnes is flawless.

She’s been in Bonnie and Clyde, and Cinderella.

I hear her smile is so bright it not only lights up the room, but the sun cries with envy.

She met Sutton Foster at the Tonys, and Sutton tweeted that she was “perfection.”

One time my friend Denise met and hugged her in NYC…she said it was AWESOME!

”You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Mike Tyson in a pair of kinky boots.”

Yeessss. More Mike Tyson jokes!!

Oliver Platt as the God of Comedy and Liam Neeson as the God of Tragedy! Hilarious! Soooo, Liam, would you say you’ve gone to the dark side? Hahaha…Star Wars joke? Anyone? Bueller?

Best Direction of a Musical: Diane Paulus for PIPPIN

Best Direction of a Play: Pam MacKinnon for Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

YAY! Women Directors!!

Past winner, Jersey Boys, a 50s/60s tribute musical about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, introduced a performance by Motown, a 60s/70s tribute musical to Motown and Barry Gordon…Sooooo, if we’re going in chronological order, I guess, by next year, Motown will be introducing a performance by the musical Gibbs, a 70s disco tribute musical that follows the life, times and music of the Gibbs brothers…

Pasek and Paul nominated for A Christmas Story the Musical score!! I love them!!!

But, Cyndi Lauper takes it for Kinky Boots! She’s so gracious and nervous…her speech is adorable. And her accent is the definition of quintessential New York.

I just want to pinch Harvey Firestein’s cheeks. He’s so cute…look how proud he is and tearing up for Cyndi!

Spiderman-s introduce the Annie performance.

You know it may have been a technical nightmare, “spider facing, death-defying budget over-run,” but now that I see how hot Spiderman is without his mask on…

Also, rather ironic that Spiderman Turn-Off-The-Footlights-And-Close-This-Flop-Of-A-Show is introducing Annie, the revival of a timeless classic musical…

Lilla Crawford’s so precious…and I will always love a good “It’s A Hard-Knock Life"

JANE LYNCH AS MISS HANNIGAN!! You have no idea how long I have thought she would be perfect for that role!!! Best casting decision ever!! God I love her!

Jerry Mitchell won for Choreography…but, I think he should also win for Only Man I’ve Seen Who Can Pull Off A Red Suit on the Red Carpet!

Oh MY GOD! Andrew Rannells, Megan Hilty and Laura Benanti drunk and sing-ranting about how switching from Broadway to seek the fame and fortune of TV…sucks!

hahaha…The Bitter Party of…3 Ex-Broadway, Recently Cancelled TV actors

YES!!! 

Andrew: “I like to be on a TV show.” (sung to WSS’s “America”)

Neil Patrick Harris to Will Chase: “Don’t suck anything!” teeheehee…If you don’t understand why that’s funny, I’m not gonna explain it to you.

Neil: “We can’t all have long running hit shows like my own…” BURN!

Megan Hilty is gorgeous!! I miss SMASH!!!

Neil: “Kiss LA Goodbye…”

Megan: (“What I Did For Love” melody) “What I did for…
the chance for producers and directors and writers and casting directors and just well everybody to see me and love me after all that’s essentially what we all crave because nobody ever hugged us as children which is why we got into this business in the first place… especially you, Neil…”

Neil: “Coming to a dinner theatre near you.”

…OK, you just have to watch the skit for yourself, here, because it is too funny to just describe!

Cuba Gooding Jr announces Best Actress in a musical. Andrea Martin, from PIPPIN, wins…aaaaand almost pulls a Cuba-Gooding-Oscars-Speech…gets played off the stage with music while still shouting thank yous…

Steven Van Zandt….Godfather joke!

I’m pretty sure Jesse Eisenberg has only one speed and one style of speaking: Fast. Mumble.

Neil and Sandy, the dog from Annie, present/make-out before the nextperformance from A Christmas Story the Musical. “Sandy, you do know that I’m in a relationship.”

HOLY CRAP! Luke Spring, aka that one lightning-fast, AMAZING, tap-dancing kid in A Christmas Story the Musical, is a prodigy!!!

“You’ll shoot your eye out!”

Pasek and Paul, writers of the original score for A Christmas Story the Musical, have taught me something very important.  I graduate college in one year.  That means I have 8 years to be as awesome as them.

…Seriously, I’m calling it. Next Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Neil gets distracted tweeting during the show and DAVID HYDE PIERCE FOR THE WIN…stomps out his phone!

YYEEESSSS!!! Please be that a lesson to all when attending Broadway shows, or any live music performances! The glow of your phone, the noises it makes, you talking on it, tweeting on it, facebooking, blogging on it, taking flash pictures with it, blocking others views by recording the event…

STOP THE MADNESS!! But really, stop. Just enjoy the show and don’t ruining it for everyone else!! (And another thing: do not talk or sing along…unless advised to sing along…I paid to hear actors and musicians voices. I don’t care if you know all the words, I don’t want to hear your loud, tone-deaf din!) Ugh…Ok, rant over.

GOD I LOVE PIPPIN!!

Corner of the Sky!! CORNER OF THE SKY!!! My favorite :)

Matthew James Thomas’ falsetto is beautiful…Did you hear how high the notes he hit were?!

Patina Miller…Magic to Do! …Man, she’s magical…

Neil: “Interesting fact: The entire cast of PIPPIN arrived here tonight in one very tiny car.”

We interrupt this liveblogging for a few words from my mom…

Mom: “Do you want to watch Mad Me-”

Me: “GO AWAY! Do Not Interrupt Me During The Tonys!!”

And now back to the previously scheduled programming…

Michael Bloomberg: “I can’t sing, dance, or act. I’m a triple act…LITERALLY!” HAHA…Good one!

Damn straight you better give Hal Prince a standing ovation! Legend.

Phantom TRIBUTE!…25 years on Broadway

Is the guy playing Phantom seriously lip-syncing on the Tonys?! It looks like it.

OK…is it just me? Or did this girl who plays Christine and that performance of Phantom seem a little, no, A LOT…lack-luster…meh…

Sally Field and Matthew Broderick: Two of my favorite people!!

…People who need people…ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE…sorry got a little carried away there…

Whenever I see Alan Cummings, I just want him to break into “Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome…”

Rob McClure nominated for Chaplin!! Yes!!

Billy Porter wins Best Actor Musical…Yeeesss! Mr. Sassafras!! God, he’s adorable! Such a beautiful acceptance speech!

Billy Porter’s best line (to Stark Sands): “I share this award with you…I’ll be keeping it at my house. But, I share it with you.”

Tom Hanks vs. Nathan Lane vs. David Hyde Pierce: all nominated in one category…Seriously, how do you choose?!

In Memoriam:

….Aaaaand now we are going to collectively cry together for the next 2 minutes…

“In Broadway we dim the marqee in honor…”

Me: SMASH…Kyle!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reminding me Richard Griffiths and Marvin Hamlisch died…And when I say “Thanks” I really mean “I hate you”…Noooo! Now I’m weeping like a child…

By the way, you forgot Kyle Bishop…Nice Going Tonys!

Great, I’m already sobbing from the In Memoriam and then they had to play that Allstate “Good“ Commercial…I am an emotional wreck…

You know, I was thinking during this commercial break, the Broadway community is so kind, warm and welcoming. And the Tonys are killer! What other award show honors EVERY person who passed within the field, not just the well known ones, AND gives the nominees certificates when people don’t win, reminding us all that being nominated out of the dozens of productions and being in categories with LEGENDS is still freaking awesome!

Velma Kelly from Chicago having some camera/teleprompter issues: “I’ll say something as soon as I have something to say.”

NPH poking fun at her moments later: “Oh! I’m over there!” He’s so quick thinking on his feet…you sassy man.

Cecily Tyson…And now we have reached the “One-Speech-That-Makes-Everyone-Cry” portion of the evening…Also, that dress!! Even Joan Rivers can’t complain about Cecily’s dress on Fashion Police because GIRL WERKS IT!

Kinky Boots performance!! Every time I hear that title I giggle…it just makes me think it’s some cheesy pick-up line…”You know, I’d like to get kinky in your boots…”

Patti LuPone…is it weird that I feel like standing up and curtsying to her through my TV?

…OK, it must be running over time because they just came back from commercial during the middle of that Once performance…awkward…

Every time Bernadette Peters walks onto a stage, I’m pretty sure I have an orgasm…

And the nominees for Best Musical are…

WAIT YOU FORGOT BOMBSHELL AND HIT LIST!!!! (Still going throughSMASH withdrawl, guys. Bear with me.)

KINKY BOOTS WINS!!

Closing Number: “Empire State of Mind”…NPH/Broadway style!!

Damn, even Kingsley from Harry Potter’s got to say, “You can’t deny…NPH got style”

YEEESSS!!! Audra McD Mic Drop! BOOM!

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Well…that’s it…

Moral of the Story:  I can’t wait until I work as a writer and live in a shoe box in NYC and I’m super broke…because I’ve spent all my money on food, rent and Broadway shows…at least I’ll be there at the epicenter of theatre, food and culture.  The place where I’ve known I belong ever since I visited it for the first time, and even before that.  The place where dreams are made.  The place where I hope my dreams will be made.  Maybe I’ll get to write for my favorite magazines, have my own column, or publish my creative works.  And maybe, just maybe, all this time of writing stories, songs, plays and musicals will pay off.  Maybe some day I won’t be sitting here…dreaming, but be there…doing! In the city that never sleeps…“somehow, someday, somewhere”…at the Tonys.

“And in the final analysis, what survives tonight?

Theater, because it’s what we live, we’re changing some lives tonight

And theater thrives because we live to give it, so to speak

This ain’t reality TV, this is eight shows a week

Every chorus member that you saw tonight tappin’

Had to make miracles happen

For a chance to see you clappin’

And applauding in the audience. What’s next? Who knows?

Anything goes. Now go see a motherf***ing Broadway show.

Thank you, good night.”